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    Ten Ways to Be a Better Dad

    October 5, 2020

    What’s Happening  Children need both parents. Involved fathers can help children lead lives that are happier, healthier, and more successful than children whose fathers are absent or uninvolved. Fathers who spend time with their children increase the chances that their children will succeed in school, have fewer behavior problems, and better self-esteem and well being.  […]

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    Ten Ways to Be a Better Dad

    October 5, 2020

    What’s Happening 

    Children need both parents. Involved fathers can help children lead lives that are happier, healthier, and more successful than children whose fathers are absent or uninvolved. Fathers who spend time with their children increase the chances that their children will succeed in school, have fewer behavior problems, and better self-esteem and well being. 

     

    What You Can Do

    1. Respect your children’s mother. When children see their parents respecting each other, they are more likely to feel that they are also accepted and respected.
    2. Spend time with your children. If you always seem too busy for your children, they will feel neglected no matter what you say. Set aside time to spend time with your children.
    3. Earn the right to be heard. Begin talking with your kids when they are very young, and talk to them about all things. Listen to their ideas and problems.
    4. Discipline with love. All children need guidance and discipline, not as punishment, but to set reasonable limits and help children learn from natural or logical consequences. Fathers who discipline in a calm, fair and nonviolent manner show their love. 
    5. Be a role model. Fathers are role medals whether they realize it or not. A girl with a loving father grows up knowing she deserves to be treated with respect. Father can teach sons what is important in life by demonstrating honesty, humility, and responsibility. 
    6. Be a teacher. A father who teaches his children about right and wrong and encourages them to do their best will see his children make good choices. Involved fathers use everyday examples to teach the basic lessons of life.
    7. Read to your children. Begin reading to children when they are very young. Instilling a love for reading is one of the best ways to ensure they will have a lifetime of personal and career growth.
    8. Show affection. Children need the security that comes from knowing they are wanted, accepted, and loved by their family. Showing affection every day is the best way to let your children know you love them.
    9. Realize that a father’s job is never done. Even after children are grown and leave home, they will still look to their fathers for wisdom and advice.
    10. Eat together as a family. Sharing a meal together can be an important part if family life. It gives children the chance to talk about what they are doing, and it is a good time for fathers to listen and give advice.

    Happy Parenting!

    Alicia

    Filed Under: Uncategorized

    Connecting With Your Teen

    September 23, 2020

    What’s Happening Many teens spend less time with their families than they did as younger children. As they become more independent and learn to think for themselves, relationships with friends become very important. Sometimes it may feel like your teen doesn’t need you anymore. But teens still need their parents’ love, support, and guidance.  What […]

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    Connecting With Your Teen

    September 23, 2020

    What’s Happening

    Many teens spend less time with their families than they did as younger children. As they become more independent and learn to think for themselves, relationships with friends become very important. Sometimes it may feel like your teen doesn’t need you anymore. But teens still need their parents’ love, support, and guidance. 

    What You Might Be Seeing

    Normal teens:

    • Crave independence
    • Question rules and authority 
    • Test limits
    • Can be impulsive
    • Make mature decisions at times, and childish ones at other times 

    What You Can Do

    Simple, everyday activities can reinforce the connection between you and your teen. Make room in your schedule for special times but also take advantage of routine activities to show you care.

    Remember: Your words and actions help your teen feel secure. Don’t forget to say and show how much you love your teen! 

    Tips To Keep In Mind

    • Have family meals. If it’s impossible to do every night, schedule a regular weekly family dinner night that accommodates your child’s schedule.
    • Share “ordinary” time. Look for everyday opportunities to bond with your teen. Even times spent driving or walking the dog together offer chances for your teen to talk about what is on his or her mind.
    • Get involved, be involved, and stay involved. Go to games and practices. Ask about homework and school projects. Learn about your teen’s favorite websites and apps. Look for chances to join in your teen’s latest hobby.
    • Get to know your child’s friends. Knowing your child’s friends is an important way to connect with your teen. Make your home a welcoming place for your teen and his or her friends.
    • Be interested. Make it clear that you care about your teen’s ideas, feelings, and experiences. If you listen to what he or she is saying, you’ll get a better sense of the guidance and support needed. Get to know your teen’s friends and their parents, too, when possible.
    • Set clear limits. Teens still need your guidance, but you can involve your teen in setting rules and consequences. Make sure consequences are related to the behavior and be consistent in following through. Choose your battles. Try to provide choices in matters that are less important.
    • Get help. It’s okay to not have all the answers! Your teen did not come with a handbook. If you feel you need extra parenting support or would like to learn ways to better communicate with your teen, counseling can help. Schedule an initial intake appointment here.

    Happy Parenting!

    Alicia 

    Filed Under: Uncategorized

    Raising Your Kin

    September 23, 2020

    No matter why or how they came to live with you, your relative’s child or children will benefit from being in your home. When children cannot be with their parents, living with a family member may provide:  Fewer moves from place to place The comfort of a familiar language, culture, and family history A chance […]

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    Raising Your Kin

    September 23, 2020

    No matter why or how they came to live with you, your relative’s child or children will benefit from being in your home. When children cannot be with their parents, living with a family member may provide: 

    • Fewer moves from place to place
    • The comfort of a familiar language, culture, and family history
    • A chance to stay with siblings
    • More consistent contact with their biological parents, depending on the situation

     

    Despite these benefits, the children will face some unique challenges.

    • They may feel insecure or unsure that you will take care of them
    • They may act out or challenge you 
    • They may miss their parents
    • They may be anxious or depressed
    • They may act either too old or too young for their age  

     

    Remember: Parenting a relative’s child brings special challenges and special joys. Do not hesitate to ask for help or seek services in your community for yourself and your children.

     

    For more information or support on kin raising, feel free to call us at (334) 676-1883 to schedule an appointment or click here. 

     

    What You Can Do 

    It will take time for your relatives to feel safe and secure in their new home with you. You can encourage these good feelings in a number of ways:

    • Set up a daily routine of mealtimes, bedtime, and other activities.
    • Help the children feel “at home” by creating a space just for them. 
    • Talk to the children and listen when they talk to you. 
    •  Set up a few rules and explain your expectations. Then, enforce the rules consistently.
    • Reward positive behavior. When children make mistakes, focus on teaching rather than punishing.
    • Be as involved with their education as you can and encourage your children to participate in school activities.

    This is a big job, and you may need help from your community.

    Here are some suggestions:

    • Help with housing or other bills, clothing, or school supplies may be available from various community-based or religious organizations in your community. 
    • Join or start a support group in your community for other kinship caregivers that may be experiencing the same challenges as you. 
    • Ask for help and referrals from a church leader, a school counselor, or a social services agency.
    • Get professional help to address any special needs your relative’s children may have, such as medical care, mental health care, or special education. 

     

    Happy Kinship Parenting!

    Alicia

     

    Filed Under: Uncategorized

    Responding To Children’s Concerns About Divorce

    July 16, 2020

    Children of divorce have many divorce-related concerns. Below is a list of typical concerns and some appropriate and inappropriate ways to respond to them:    1. Why are you and Dad (Mom) getting a divorce? Many children wonder why their parents are getting a divorce. Children are more likely to ask this question when they […]

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    Responding To Children’s Concerns About Divorce

    July 16, 2020

    Children of divorce have many divorce-related concerns. Below is a list of typical concerns and some appropriate and inappropriate ways to respond to them: 

     

    1. Why are you and Dad (Mom) getting a divorce?

    Many children wonder why their parents are getting a divorce. Children are more likely to ask this question when they haven’t been given an adequate explanation about the divorce. It is important that children receive an honest response about the divorce from both parents. A parent may withhold information because they feel that “the child cannot handle it.” However, this response is often an excuse for parents who may feel uncomfortable discussing the divorce with their child(ren). Children are better equipped to handle such situations than parents think and often imagine that things are worse without it. Children need to be told preferably by both parents about the divorce. This gives the child(ren) an opportunity to ask questions. A parent might say, “Mom and Dad don’t love each other but each of us loves you.” Ideally, this should be said to the child(ren) before the parents separate so the child can adjust to the loss before it occurs. Parents should share the basic reason for the divorce (e.g. “we can’t get along”) and be truthful with the child(ren).

     

    2. Will I ever see Dad (Mom) again? 

    Many children wonder if they will see their Dad (Mom) again. This question is likely to arise when the child is given no explanation about visitation or further contact with the other parent. Children who ask this question often feel abandoned and wonder if the departing parent loved them. Ideally, the child should be told where Mom or Dad is living and how often they will see the other parent. However, in cases where there is no contact with the other parent, the parent with whom the child(ren) are residing should be honest and reassure the child(ren) that she/he loves him/her and that Dad (Mom) is having problems or otherwise she/he would be here. It is important for the child(ren) to understand there is nothing wrong with him/her and that he/she did not cause the divorce. 

     

    3. Does Dad (Mom) love someone else? 

    Parents often wonder how to deal with questions about an extra-marital affair. This issue is a difficult one that requires a great deal of sensitivity. If a parent is getting a divorce to marry another person the children can be told that Dad (Mom) doesn’t love Mom (Dad) anymore and wants to live with another woman (man). Caution should be exercised in a delicate and honest manner to avoid alienating the child(ren)against the other parent. Alienating the children against each parent is harmful to the child(ren). When marriage is not imminent but is central to the divorce, children do better if they are told the circumstances. Parents should be truthful even though it may be painful and embarrassing. When the child learns about parental difficulties and mistakes, they will be less likely to make those mistakes themselves. 

     

    4. Why don’t you love Dad (Mom) anymore?

    It is not uncommon for children to wonder why their Mom or Dad no longer love each other. Often, children will blame the parent who is initiating the divorce and view the other as a victim. This reaction is particularly true when the parent who does not want the divorce tells the child(ren) that the divorce is the other parent’s fault. In this case, the initiating parent preferably is difficult, children need to understand both sides and what contributed to the decision to divorce. It is important to note that some loss of respect for the initiating spouse is preferable to endless distortion and hostility between parents. 

     

    5. What will happen to us?

    As a result of divorce, children will often have many questions about their welfare. Where will they go? Will we have enough money? Where will I go to school? Will we have enough to eat? Children who ask questions often have heard parents discuss these issues with each other or someone else. It is critical for parents to be honest with their child(ren) and indicate that while there may not be as much money, they will have enough to eat and a place to live.

     

    6. What should I tell my friends? 

    Many parents are ashamed about their divorce and are reluctant to share it with others. However, if divorced parents handle their divorce in this way, their child(ren) will deal with it the same way. Thus, if parents don’t want their child(ren) to be ashamed they must not be ashamed themselves. Parents should encourage their children to discuss divorce and tell their friends about the situation. 

    In some cases, peer concerns may alarm children and cause them to worry even more. Once again parents should reassure their child(ren) that things will be okay. Parents should also encourage their child(ren) to be honest with others about divorce. 

     

    7. I don’t want my friends over.

    Children often experience sadness at the time of the divorce. This reaction is often manifested in apathy and diminished interest in school work and being with friends. Such a reaction may be due to the absence of the departed parent. These feelings should subside in a few weeks provided the child(ren) has regular contact with the absent parent and the parent with whom the children resides is not depressed him/herself. Regardless, parents are advised to encourage their child(ren) to talk about the reactions to the divorce and emphasize the need to express their feelings. Parents can facilitate this openness by sharing their own feelings. 

     

    8. Why can’t I do anything right?

    Children often become angry at the time of divorce. They have difficulty with anger and expressing these feelings. This response is particularly true for children of divorce who may be afraid of expressing anger to the departed parent for fear of losing contact with him/her or to the parent with whom the child(ren) resides lest she/he will leave also. Thus, children will often direct their anger at themselves saying things such as “I can’t do anything right” or “I’m no good.” While anger directed against themselves is safer, it is really anger directed against the parents. Parents should encourage children to direct their anger appropriately and help them identify the source of their anger. This task may be difficult since parents may be feeling guilty about the divorce and the effects it has had on the child(ren). Nevertheless, self-directed anger is harmful and often contributes to depression and low self-esteem.

     

    9. She/he doesn’t love me.

    It is not uncommon for a child to feel that the departing parent doesn’t love the child(ren), otherwise he/she wouldn’t have left. A child may reason since Dad (Mom) left “there must be something wrong with me” or “she/he doesn’t love me.” When children feel that a parent doesn’t love them, they worry whether the other parent doesn’t love them or whether anyone loves them. It is critical once again, for the parent to let the child know that even though Mom or Dad no longer love each other they still love him/her. 

     

    10. If you don’t come home, I’ll never speak to you again. 

    Some children make vibrant attempts to reunite their parents. Children may do this in a variety of ways. One of the most common ways is to threaten the parent. For example, a child might say, “ If you don’t come home, I’ll never speak to you again” or I’ll run away if you don’t come home.” The purpose of these statements is to make the parent feel guilty so that she/he will return home. In other cases, children will act out (e.g., exhibit temper outbursts, fighting with peers, noncompliance with parent and teacher) at home or school to attract the departing parent’s attention. Children believe that if they act bad enough their Dad (Mom) will come home.

     

    Some children may be more creative and design ways to bring their parents together. For example, a child may ask to have a birthday party and invite both parents or make reservations for both parents at a restaurant. The child believes in this case that if the parents are physically together they can live together again. 

     

    There are several things that parents can do to help children become less preoccupied with reconciliation. First, parents can try to find ways to reduce their hostility towards each other. Children believe that parents are still involved when they continue to argue with each other after the divorce. On the other hand, when parents resolved their differences, children are less likely to see the need for parents to be back together. Secondly, parents can develop a cooperative, co-parenting relationship without becoming overly friendly. Parents who are too friendly with each other may stimulate images of reconciliation in children. This belief appears to be more likely when parents have frequent contact with each other which is not associated with visiting the child(ren). If children see their parents getting along, they believe that their parents can still live together. It is not uncommon for the parent with whom the child(ren) resides to call the other parent to discuss trivial matters or something the child did that day. Children thus believe that if they maintain their parents’ interest in them the parents will have more contact with each other and can be reunited.

     

    11. I don’t want to come over today.

    Children’s interests vary as they get older. This change is more difficult for the parent not living with the child(ren) to accept. Because the child has other plans (activities), the parent may feel that the child doesn’t want to see him/her. Even though the parent may be hurt, it is important to recognize that as the child gets older she/he will want to spend time with his/her friends. Instead of getting upset, it is important to schedule a meeting time that is convenient for both the parent and child(ren). When this isn’t possible, it is important to call the child(ren) on the telephone or write them a note. It is also important to ask the child(ren) to do the same. However, it is important for the parent to be aware that the telephone is no substitute for seeing the children. Frequent short visits are preferable to infrequent long visits or no visitation. By contacting the child(ren) regularly, the parent will be able to recognize their changing needs and strengths.

     

    12. Will my plans be changed?

    This question is often asked by adolescents. Adolescents often want to know whether there will be enough money for college. Will I be able to get a car? Will I have enough money for new clothes? Will I have to get a job? Do I have to baby-sit my brother (sister)? Adolescents tend to be more self-centered and want to know how the divorce will directly affect them. Parents should encourage adolescents to ask questions, and give them honest and clear answers (e.g., You will be able to go to college, but you may need to help by working during the summer to pay your tuition.”) Parents should be honest in their explanation of the problem (e.g., I need a car to get to work) but at the same time help the adolescent to find ways to solve the problem (“What are some other ways that you could get to work?”). Helping adolescents to find solutions to their problems will help them become more responsible and independent- important characteristics of personal adjustment.    

     

    If you are a parent struggling to navigate the complex aftermath of divorce, child and/or family counseling may help. Call or email to schedule an appointment today. 

    Be Well,

    Alicia

    Filed Under: Uncategorized

    Bonding With Your Baby

    July 16, 2020

    What’s Happening Attachment is a deep, lasting bond that develops between a caregiver and child during the baby’s first few years of life. This attachment is crucial to the growth of the baby’s body and mind. Babies who have this bond and feel loved have a better chance to grow up to be adults who […]

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    Bonding With Your Baby

    July 16, 2020

    What’s Happening

    Attachment is a deep, lasting bond that develops between a caregiver and child during the baby’s first few years of life. This attachment is crucial to the growth of the baby’s body and mind. Babies who have this bond and feel loved have a better chance to grow up to be adults who trust others and know how to return the affection. 

     

    What You Might Be Seeing

    Most babies:  

    • Have brief periods of sleep, crying or fussing, and quiet alertness many times each day 
    • Often cry for long periods for no apparent reason
    • Love to be held and cuddled
    • Respond to and imitate facial expressions 
    • Love soothing voices and respond to them with smiles and small noises
    • Grow and develop every day
    • Learn new skills quickly and can outgrow difficult behaviors in a matter of weeks

     

    Remember: The best gift you can give your baby is YOU. The love and attention you give your baby now will stay with him or her forever and will help your baby grow into a healthy and happy child and adult. 

     

    What You Can Do

    No one knows your child as well as you do, so you’re in the best position to recognize and fulfill your child’s needs. Parents who give lots of loving care and attention to their babies help their babies develop a strong attachment. Affection stimulates your child to grow, learn, connect with others, and enjoy life. 

     

    Here are some ways to promote bonding: 

    • Respond when your baby cries. Try to understand what he or she is saying to you. You can’t “spoil” babies with too much attention-they need and benefit from a parent’s loving care, even when they seem inconsolable
    • Hold and touch your baby as much as possible. You can keep him or her close with baby slings, pouches, or backpacks (for older babies)
    • Use feeding, bathing and diapering times to look into your baby’s eyes, smile, and talk yo your baby
    • Read, sing, and play peek-a-boo. Babies love to hear human voices and will try to imitate your voice and the sounds you make
    • As your baby gets a little older, try simple games and toys. Once your baby can sit up, plan on spending lots of time on the floor with toys, puzzles, and books.
    • If you feel you are having trouble bonding with your infant, don’t wait to get help! Talk to your doctor or your baby’s pediatrician as soon as you can.

    If you have concerns about your ability to bond with your baby or small child or fear that your child has not developed a healthy attachment to its primary caregiver, child or family counseling may help. Feel free to call our office to schedule an appointment today. 

    Be Well,

    Alicia

    Filed Under: Uncategorized

    Nine Steps to More Effective Parenting

    June 17, 2020

    Raising kids is one of the toughest and most fulfilling jobs in the world – and the one for which you might feel the least prepared.  Here are nine child-rearing tips that can help you feel more fulfilled as a parent.    1 – Boosting Your Child’s Self-Esteem Kids start developing their sense of self […]

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    Nine Steps to More Effective Parenting

    June 17, 2020

    Raising kids is one of the toughest and most fulfilling jobs in the world – and the one for which you might feel the least prepared. 

    Here are nine child-rearing tips that can help you feel more fulfilled as a parent. 

     

    1 – Boosting Your Child’s Self-Esteem

    Kids start developing their sense of self as babies when they see themselves through their parents’ eyes. Your tone of voice, your body language, and your every expression are absorbed by your kids. Your words and actions as a parent affect their developing self-esteem more than anything else. 

    Praising accomplishments, however small, will make them feel proud; letting kids do things independently will make them feel capable and strong. By contrast, belittling comments or comparing a child unfavorably with another will make kids feel worthless. 

    Avoid making loaded statements or using words as weapons. Comments like “What a stupid thing to do!” or “You act more like a baby than your little brother!” cause damage just as physical blows do. 

    Choose your words carefully and be compassionate. Let your kids know that everyone makes mistakes and that you still love them, even when you don’t love their behavior. 

     

    2 – Catch Kids Being Good

    Have you ever stopped to think about how many times you react negatively to your kids on a given day? You may find yourself criticizing far more often than complimenting. How would you feel about a boss who treated you with that much negative guidance, even if it was well-intentioned? 

    The more effective approach is to catch kids doing something right: “You made your bed without being asked – that’s terrific!” or “I was watching you play with your sister and you were very patient.” These statements will do more to encourage good behavior over the long run than repeated scoldings. 

    Make a point of finding something to praise every day. Be generous with rewards – your love, hugs, and compliments can work wonders and are often reward enough. Soon you will find you are “growing” more of the behavior you would like to see. 

     

    3 – Set Limits and Be Consistent With Your Discipline

    Discipline is necessary for every household. The goal of discipline is to help kids choose acceptable behaviors and learn self-control. They may test the limits you establish for them, but they need those limits to grow into responsible adults. 

    Establishing house rules helps kids understand your expectations and develop self-control. Some rules might include: no TV until homework is done, and no hitting, name-calling, or hurtful teasing allowed. 

    You might want to have a system in place: one warning, followed by consequences such as a “time out” or loss of privileges. A common mistake parents make is’failure to follow through with the consequences. You can’t discipline kids for talking back one day and ignore it the next. Being consistent teaches what you expect. 

     

    4 – Make Time for Your Kids

    It’s often difficult for parents and kids to get together for a family meal, let alone spend quality time together. But there is probably nothing kids would like more. Get up 10 minutes earlier in the morning so you can eat breakfast with your child or leave the dishes in the sink and take a walk after dinner. Kids who aren’t getting the attention they want from their parents often act out or misbehave because they’re sure to be noticed that way. 

    Many parents find it rewarding to schedule together time with their kids. Create a “special night” each week to be together and let your kids help decide how to spend the time. Look for other ways to connect – put a note or something special in your kid’s lunchbox. 

    Adolescents seem to need less undivided attention from their parents than younger kids. Because there are fewer windows of opportunity for parents and teens to get together, parents should do their best to be available when their teen does express a desire to talk or participate in family activities. Attending concerts, games, and other events with your teen communicates caring and lets you get to know more about your child and his or her friends in important ways. 

    Don’t feel guilty if you’re a working parent. It is the many little things you do – making popcorn, playing cards, window shopping – that kids will remember. 

     

    5 – Be a Good Role Model

    Young kids learn a lot about how to act by watching their parents. The younger they are, the more cues they take from you. Before you lash out or blow your top in front of your child, think about this: Is that how you want your child to behave when angry? Be aware that you’re constantly being watched by your kids. Studies have shown that children who hit usually have a role model for aggression at home. 

    Model the traits you wish to see in your kids: respect, friendliness, honesty, kindness, tolerance. Exhibit unselfish behavior. Do things for other people without expecting a reward. Express thanks and offer compliments. Above all, treat your kids the way you expect other people to treat you. 

     

    6 – Make Communication a Priority

    You can’t expect kids to do everything simply because you, as a parent, “say so.” They want and deserve explanations as much as adults do. If we don’t take time to explain, kids will begin to wonder about our values and motives and whether they have any basis. Parents who reason with their kids allow them to understand and learn in a nonjudgmental way. 

    Make your expectations clear. If there is a problem, describe it, express your feelings, and invite your child to work on a solution with you. Be sure to include consequences. Make suggestions and offer choices. Be open to your child’s suggestions as well. Negotiate. Kids who participate in decisions are more motivated to carry them out. 

     

    7 – Be Flexible and Willing to Adjust Your Parenting Style

    If you often feel “let down” by your child’s behavior, perhaps you have unrealistic expectations. Parents who think in “shoulds” (for example, “My kid should be potty-trained by now”) might find it helpful to read up on the matter or to talk to other parents or child development specialists. 

    Kids’ environments have an effect on their behavior, so you might be able to change that behavior by changing the environment. If you find yourself constantly saying “no” to your 2-year-old, look for ways to alter your surroundings so that fewer things are off-limits. This will cause less frustration for both of you. 

    As your child changes, you’ll gradually have to change your parenting style. Chances are, what works with your child now won’t work as well in a year or two. 

    Teens tend to look less to their parents and more to their peers for role models. But continue to provide guidance, encouragement, and appropriate discipline while allowing your teen to earn more independence. And seize every available moment to make a connection! 

     

    8 – Show That Your Love Is Unconditional

    As a parent, you’re responsible for correcting and guiding your kids. But how you express your corrective guidance makes all the difference in how a child receives it. 

    When you have to confront your child, avoid blaming, criticizing, or fault-finding, which undermine self-esteem and can lead to resentment. Instead, strive to nurture and encourage, even when disciplining your kids. Make sure they know that although you want and expect better next time, your love is there no matter what. 

     

    9 – Know Your Own Needs and Limitations as a Parent

     

    Face it – you are an imperfect parent. You have strengths and weaknesses as a family leader. Recognize your abilities – “I am loving and dedicated.” Vow to work on your weaknesses – “I need to be more consistent with discipline.” Try to have realistic expectations for yourself, your spouse, and your kids. You don’t have to have all the answers – be forgiving of yourself. 

    And try to make parenting a manageable job. Focus on the areas that need the most attention rather than trying to address everything all at once. Admit it when you’re burned out. Take time out from parenting to do things that will make you happy as a person (or as a couple). 

    Focusing on your needs does not make you selfish. It simply means you care about your own well-being, which is another important value to model for your children. 

    Filed Under: Uncategorized

    Your Brain on Stress

    March 31, 2020

    Everyone has some level of stress, whether it’s a bad day at work, a flat tire, or unexpected bill in the mail. However, too much stress can make it difficult to parent effectively. After a while, your child or teenager may show signs of being stressed out, too! Some signs that you are stressed include: […]

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    Your Brain on Stress

    March 31, 2020
    Everyone has some level of stress, whether it’s a bad day at work, a flat tire, or unexpected bill in the mail. However, too much stress can make it difficult to parent effectively.
    After a while, your child or teenager may show signs of being stressed out, too!
    Some signs that you are stressed include:
    • Feeling angry or irritable a lot of the time 
    • Feeling hopeless
    • Having trouble making decisions
    • Crying easily 
    • Worrying all the time
    • Arguing with friends or partner
    • Overeating or not eating enough 
    • Being unable to sleep or wanting to sleep all the time
    A build-up of stress also can contribute to health problems, including allergies, a sore neck or back, headaches, upset stomach, and high blood pressure.

    Remember: Learning to manage your stress will improve your happiness and show your children that they can handle stress, too! 

    It is important to learn how to manage your stress- for your own sake and for your children. The following suggestions may help:
    • Identify what’s making you stressed. Everyone’s stressors are different. Yours might be related to money, work, your surroundings, (traffic/crime), your partner, your children’s behavior, or health issues.
    • Accept what you cannot change. Ask yourself, “Can I do anything about it?” If the answer is no, try to focus on something else. If there is something you can do (look for a new job, for example), break it into smaller steps so it doesn’t feel overwhelming.
    • Have faith. Look back at previous times when you have overcome challenges. Think, “This too shall pass.” Consider that people who attend church, pray regularly, or practice other forms of spirituality tend to have less stress.
    • Relax! Try deep breathing, meditation, yoga, or listening to music. Take 30 minutes to play a board game and laugh with your kids.
    • Take care of your health. Getting enough sleep can make a big difference in your stress level. So can eating healthy foods and getting some exercise.
    • Take time for yourself. Take a bath, read a book, or pick up a hobby. When you can, hire a babysitter or trade time with a friend or neighbor, and get out of the house.
    • Develop a support network. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Older children can set the table. Your spouse or partner could take over bedtime a few nights a week. Friends might pick up the kids from school to give you a break.

    If you find yourself still struggling to manage stress, despite your best efforts, don’t hesitate to reach out for extra support. If you feel your high stress level is impacting your ability to parent effectively, request a family therapy appointment here.

    Be Well & Stay Safe,

    Alicia

    Filed Under: Uncategorized

    Helping Your Child to Appropriately Express Anger

    March 16, 2020

    Everyone is familiar with the devastating situations in which children have killed other children as an expression of their extreme anger with being treated badly and being humiliated. While it is imperative that bullies and cruel social behaviors be dealt with, it is also important that children be taught how to appropriately express feelings of […]

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    Helping Your Child to Appropriately Express Anger

    March 16, 2020

    Everyone is familiar with the devastating situations in which children have killed other children as an expression of their extreme anger with being treated badly and being humiliated. While it is imperative that bullies and cruel social behaviors be dealt with, it is also important that children be taught how to appropriately express feelings of anger. Learning how to effectively problem-solve and deal with difficult emotions is a preventive measure for positive mental health and preventing violent behavior. Young people turn to violence when they don’t see other ways of managing difficult situations. They may be reacting to the moment without anticipating the consequences of their actions.  The following tips can help a child to learn internal management , use of resources, and self-responsibility.

    1. Be a good listener. Pay attention to what your children are saying about what they feel and how they are thinking about things in their life. Unfortunately, children are confronted at an earlier age about more adult-oriented issues such as relationships , sex, and romanticizing. Failure and rejection are also difficult issues to deal with. Young people are not prepared mentally or physically to effectively manage many of these issues and can find themselves overwhelmed and in trouble.
    2. Be comforting and reassuring. Tell your children that you care about what they think and feel. Show confidence in them by helping them to explore their choices for managing the issues confronting them.
    3. Normalize the experience of anger. Everyone gets angry. Share the positive ways that you have found to deal with anger and other difficult emotions.
    4. Encourage children to express their feeling honestly and appropriately and then to move on to fun and interesting activities . Distracting oneself with other activities helps to refocus on other things and not get stuck and miserable with anger.
    5. Teach problem–solving and conflict resolution skills. Give your children some ideas about how to deal with difficult situations and encourage them to talk about what they try to do in those situations, what works, what doesn’t, and what they may do next time they are confronted with a similar situation.
    6. Catch them being good. It is always important to reinforce good behavior by acknowledging i When your children deal with their anger in positive ways, reinforce their positive choices. Use every opportunity to build and reinforce strengths and skills.

    If you do not feel that your efforts are successful, talk to a professional about community resources (such as anger management classes) and therapy or click here for more information.

     

    Be Well,

    A. Claybon 

    Child Counseling

    Filed Under: Uncategorized

    Is Your Child in Crisis?

    March 1, 2020

    When an event or situation causes anxiety and tension in a child,  he or she tries to understand what is happening and why it is happening. The less a child is able to understand the situation, the more tension, anxiety, and fear they will experience. This can lead to feeling overwhelmed, out of control, and […]

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    Is Your Child in Crisis?

    March 1, 2020

    When an event or situation causes anxiety and tension in a child,  he or she tries to understand what is happening and why it is happening. The less a child is able to understand the situation, the more tension, anxiety, and fear they will experience. This can lead to feeling overwhelmed, out of control, and helpless. Depending on the circumstance, there may also be feelings of shame, depression, and guilt. A child may be unable to verbally express their fears or may be afraid to express them. When preparing yourself to help a child deal with life-changing events, it is helpful to consider the following:

    1. Children tend to be self-centered. This is especially true of young children and adolescents. They seem to interpret things as if the world revolves around them-everything is taken personally. Because of this they may interpret themselves as being the cause of something that they have no power or control of, which can be overwhelming.
    2. Children tend to interpret things in a literal or concrete manner. This can cause a crisis via misunderstanding. For example, telling a child that death is like sleep, or having medical or dental procedure won’t hurt because they will be knocked out. What the parent means and how the child interprets such statements are likely to be different.
    3. Fantasy is reality for children. For example, one parent is seeking divorce and the child fears that they will also be abandoned or divorced by this parent. Sometimes a child experiences a form of fantasy and magical thinking, which means that a child has a belief that they had the power to make something happen by thinking about it. An example of this is when a child is angry and thinks or says, “I wish you were dead” and someone is harmed in some way. They may believe that harm came to the person because of their thoughts or wishes.
    4. The devastating effect of childhood loss or separation. When a child loses or is separated from a friend, pet, parent, loved one, etc their foundation is temporarily shattered. Losses are a threat to feeling safe and secure. Losses can involve feelings such as sadness, depression, loneliness, rejection, abandonment, anger, guilt, and confusion.

    Because life has a normal level of stress and changes, it’s impossible to hide from children from all the problems that confront a family. Children are very sensitive and can feel when things aren’t right at home. Therefore, instead of allowing a child to interpret what is going on it is better to give them age-appropriate information in a manner that helps them maintain their feelings of safety and security. The best thing you can do for a child in crisis is to create a safe space for them to process difficult emotions. If you find it especially challenging to help your child effectively navigate through life’s tough times, consider seeking the help of a licensed counselor or therapist.  Click here for more information.

    Be Well,

    A. Claybon 

    Child Counseling

    Filed Under: Uncategorized

    Alicia Crum

    Licensed Professional Counselor

    Alicia Claybon, Child & Therapist in Montgomery, AL

    382 Leavell Circle,
    Montgomery, AL 36117

    parakeleocounseling@gmail.com
    (334) 676-1883

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